fiddledeedee32And how to help the situation!
Chances are if you have a special needs child, you have had to deal with them being treated unfairly. This is absolutely heartbreaking. For you, and for your child.
Even if your child is unable to speak or fully understand things. My son doesn’t speak, but he sure knows if someone is paying attention to him or not. It’s hard to see our children treated that way. Whether it be a family member or a stranger. Seeing the look on your child’s face, feeling left out, it’s just heart wrenching! No one wants their child to feel like that.
I have had to deal with this for nineteen years. It doesn’t get easier. You get use to it, but it still hurts.
When my son was small we had gone to a church, and I will never forget the emotions I felt when a woman looked at him and back me, “What’s wrong with him?” My heart sank into my stomach. Like how could anyone be so rude and heartless? We were in church for crying out loud! I just said, “Nothing. Nothing is wrong with him!” And I left it there. I was so upset about it.
Later on, I told my dad about it. He told me, “Maybe you shouldn’t take it that way. She may have just been concerned and wanted to help somehow and wasn’t sure what to do or say.”
I thought about that for a while. I guess that could’ve been the case. I will never know. Because I got so offended and upset.
Now, I’m certainly not saying that is always the case. There are some people who are just being rude. You know, the ones that stare and make a face. The ones you’d like to go off on.
It’s important that we find an alternative to the big mama bear instinct. I know, that’s our first reaction, we want to protect our young! That’s only natural. It’s ok to be in protective mode. I’m just saying (as hard or annoying as it might be), let’s just try and look through someone else’s eyes.
Let’s say you’re walking down the street and you see a homeless man or woman. What would your reaction be? If your first instinct is to help them then good for you!
Did you look at them disgusted? Or did you look at them and wonder what was wrong and what their story was? What happened to them? Did you offer help? Did you want to offer help but didn’t quite know what to say or how to approach them?
My point is, maybe we should consider that people (or at least some people) do want to help but they don’t know what they can do. Perhaps they are trying to understand and they don’t know how to react or how to ask questions because they aren’t use to being around someone with a disability.
One thing we could do is to explain to people what your child has, (not what’s wrong with them) and help them get to know your child. Tell of your child’s likes and dislikes, what they can and can’t do etc. That is, of course, if it is someone you will be around for more than an hour. I wouldn’t say to give someone at the supermarket your child’s full story and diagnosis.
If you’re out at the supermarket and people are starring, just give a smile, say hello, and go on about your business. I think really that’s the best solution. Even if it bothers us. Remember, we don’t know what others are thinking anymore than they do!
The next thing I wanted to talk about is the fact that special children often get left out. Left out of activities, left out at school, even around family that come to visit. I don’t believe they are being rude, I think, especially family, just aren’t sure how to play or interact with your child. And that is hard on you too.
It’s really hard when your child is old enough to notice that the other child or children are getting attention but they are not. They notice if people are talking to others and not them. Like I said before, help them to understand your child. And hopefully they will learn and be more comfortable around your child.
If someone is uncomfortable, be it an adult or child, just sit with them while they interact with your child so they know you’re there to answer questions and help them in any way.
We need to teach our children to be accepting of people who are different than they are. Teach your children that it’s ok to say hello if you’re somewhere and see someone in a wheelchair. They will appreciate the interaction.
I can’t tell you how many children I see just staring at my son when we go out. And really, I know that they are curious and they are children, maybe they don’t understand, but it does bother me!
Perhaps it just doesn’t cross some parent’s minds to teach their children about disabilities and such because they don’t have anyone in the family that has a disability, I do understand that. But, it’s so important! Please take the time to do so. Teach kindness and acceptance!
If your child is disabled and they are noticing that people are not including them or are starring at them, the best thing to do for your child is to show them love yourself. Kiss their cheek or rub their arm and smile.
Have your child wave at the person and say hello to them. Then the person should snap out of it and hopefully say hello back!
The main thing I want you to take away from this is that some people just don’t understand. They may just be curious and want to help! Try to consider that instead of getting so offended. 🙂
Thank you for taking the time to be here and I truly hope I was able to help! Blessings to you and your little one!
All my love,
Angela xoxo